Be. Not. Afraid.

There are wars and rumors of wars. There are hurting people who can't find any way to deal with their pain except to hurt others. There are natural disasters. There are evil dictators. There is hate. There is chaos. There is jealousy, zealously misplaced religious fervor, anger, and leaders who will do anything to maintain or gain control. There are tests that come back positive. There is incurable disease. There are tragic accidents. There are feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, and fear. The world does not always feel like a safe and happy place. And yet, in the darkness, a small voice whispers, "Be not afraid."

Recently I have been reminded of the freedom that comes from letting go of fear. I am a closet (and sometimes not-so-closet) worrier. I can worry about just about anything and turn the best of times into anxiety-laden experiences. Really healthy, I know. And in the midst of finding hundreds of things to fear, some valid and some not so much, I have been finding as of late that I don't want to be afraid anymore. I'm seeing all the ways fear has hijacked my life and really, I'm over it. Too often fear has sneakily reworked itself into something less concrete...a need for control, overbearing love, perfectionism...but these masks are just as stifling as flat-out fearfulness, and often I don't even see them for what they are. In fact, at times I convince myself that these fears are actually a thing to be proud of. How many times have I disguised fear for my child or my marriage or my finances as me being "diligent"? Diligence is important, but what is my motive? Am I acting out of wisdom or am I acting out of fear?

I love the verse in Matthew 10:28 when Jesus is getting ready to send his disciples out on their own. He knows they may encounter some pretty serious animosity and he doesn't try to sugarcoat what's going to happen. Instead, he says this: "Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell." I get that this verse can sound a little, well, daunting (what with the whole foreboding hell talk and all), but I don't think this verse is supposed to be taken as a threat. Rather, I believe Jesus is using it as an encouragement that no matter what happens in this crazy world there is one thing that cannot be taken away from his disciples, or from us. Even in the most terrifying of circumstances our hope doesn't lie in this unsteady world. Our hope lies in Jesus. Therefore, when we boil it all down, who do we have to fear but God?

When I imagine living an unrestrained life of fearlessness it puts new breath into my lungs. The things I would do! The adventures that would find me! The people I would meet! Can you imagine?! I think Yann Martel had it right when he wrote: "I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary...It goes for your weakest spot." (Life of Pi) How many times have I let fear defeat my life? I'm not sure what it all means, but I am determined to walk the path laid before me and, Lord-willing, become the brave, selfless, courageous person that God intends for me to be. I may never skydive or intentionally lie down in a pit of spiders (I mean, I want to be courageous, not crazy!) but I can, with God's help, become a person who fears Him alone.

Join me on this journey if you will. If anxiety or distress or any of fear's various forms hold you hostage, you are not alone. What is it you need to let go of so that you can grab a hold of what God has set before you?

Creating Autumn Memories (my bucket list)

Okay ya'all, as many of you well know, I love lists. So it shouldn't come as any surprise to you that when I saw someone create an Autumn Bucket List I absolutely HAD to follow suit! So here you go, in no particular order, all the fun things I want to accomplish this fall!

• Go to the local Fall Festival Did this over the weekend with the fam, great way to welcome fall! :)
• Take my little one Trick or Treating (for the first time!!!)
• Take lots of fall walks (and collect lots of fall leaves)
• Laugh a lot
• Make pumpkin muffins to share
• Get matching costume pictures of my littles (and, if I can swing it, hubs and I too...all decked out in our superhero wear)
• Make homemade applesauce (Mmm! The smell is probably directly sent from heaven...so good!)
• Paint pumpkins with my wee ones
• Get together with friends
• Burn lots of fall-scented candles (and maybe listen to Trace Bundy music while I'm at it...no music says fall to me like his guitar playing)
• Make and send out my holiday/thankful cards
• Rake up leaf piles and jump in them (take pictures)
• Have a movie night with my little family and watch A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, complete with pajamas, treats, and snuggles!
• Spend time with extended family
• Cook up some delicious fall-inspired stews
• Create a thankfulness tree
• Visit a petting zoo (and if we have any, an apple picking orchard)
• Celebrate Thanksgiving Day with family and good food...wear pajamas far too long the next day

So there you have it...some of the fabulous reasons I absolutely LOVE FALL!!! Look at all the great stuff that can be done!

What do you like best about fall?  

This week I am linking up with We Are That Family, Messy Marriage, Simple Moments Stick and Mom's Morning Coffee!

A Tired Mama's Search for Rest

I sit, eyes bleary and heart heavy as I nurse my sweet little boy. For a moment it is quiet, and my body and heart both need that moment desperately. It is only noon and it has already been a long day. I long for the sound of my husband's truck ready to rescue me, but we are not even close to that time. I ponder upon God's words written in Matthew, "Come to me, all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." Ah, rest. Even in the midst of days filled with crying and whining and an apparently infinite pile of needs that never quite seem to stop...I can have a heart that finds rest. The word is like honey on my tongue in those moments that the demands of motherhood feel most overwhelming.

God has given me high-maintenance babes who cry easily and often and need snuggles just about every second of their waking (and in my little guy's case, sleeping) hours.  I am quite sure this is all in answer to my own mother's prayers that I would have kids like me...payback! Through them I experience the beauty and burden of learning to love beyond myself and my own capabilities. There is no way by my own strength I could soothe an inconsolable baby for what seems like hours on end, while at the same time playing tea party with my toddler and giving her the love and attention she needs. And to do this with a joy-filled heart and words of gentleness and love while having far less sleep than this body prefers? Ha! No. Way.

But God, who purposely designed my beautiful, vibrant, high-intensity, deeply passionate children, knew that they would need more than I could give. And in my weakness He provides abundantly. It is an amazing thing, when I think about it, that every time I love on my babes it is not just my love they are receiving. They are getting a trickle of my love and an ocean of His. This brings peace to my troubled soul when I wonder how I can possibly have enough to meet all their needs. I don't. And that's okay. Because at the end of the day, God does. And He is more than capable.

Thank you God that when I have nothing left to give, I find you. On the darkest days and in the hardest moments may my heart find rest in you. 

You can find this, and other great posts linked up with Time Warp Wife, Mom's Morning Coffee, & We Are That Family this week!

Mama Lessons: Turning Jealousy into Joyfilled Learning

Mama's, I am so amazed by all you do! I mean, I have to tell you that I am often in awe of all the things you juggle, seemingly effortlessly. (For you non-mamas out there, I am often in awe of you as well, but today I am focusing on the mamas). I'm not trying to dog on myself, but sometimes I wonder if I didn't get the mama gene. I mean, I love playing with my babies and could love on them all day long...but nothing else seems to get done! And if it does, it is difficult to keep a cheerful attitude about it because it probably means I had to stay up til near midnight just to end up with a semi-clean kitchen and swept floor!

 Some mamas seem to have it all down, don't they? I watch them (not even on facebook but in real flesh-and-blood life) and think, "How does she get that all done and still have a smile!? How does she get that all done and still get to bed ever? How does she do all of this and still have time to (fill in the blank here...read, blog, paint her nails, exercise, have time with her husband, journal,  breathe, etc.) I don't know. I like to think she has a secret maid hiding in her garage...although that would be a bit creepy and I'm not sure we can be friends if you hide people in your garage.

ANYWAY, I don't know how these mamas appear to do it all effortlessly. What I do know is that all of us mamas are gifted in a variety of ways. What if, instead of being envious of other mamas or trying to find their weaknesses so we can feel better about ourselves, we knocked it all off and focused on what we can learn from each other and how we can grow together?

I have a friend who is one of those mamas I am constantly amazed by. She's a great mom to her kids, a loving wife to her man, and her house is beautifully maintained. What's more, she seems to find delight in all of these things and I almost never hear her complain about something she has to do. If I chose to, I could be envious of how it appears to all come so effortlessly to her. I could compare my kids or my spouse or my house or my whatever. But what would that do other than alienate me from this friend I love spending time with? Instead, I have chosen to see her strengths (which happen to be my weaknesses) as areas I can grow in, and her as the perfect person to help me do that! I have learned a lot about organization and planning and schedules from her. It has helped me become more efficient in my areas of weakness and not dread them so much. On the flip side, I can encourage her in the areas she feels weak in. I can give my perspective or what has worked for me in some area or other of life or parenting and she is better for it. It's a win-win! Not to mention I love just being around her and delight in her company and how sad to give that up because of my insecurity and pride!

Mamas, whether you believe it or not, you have something to offer. Right now you might only see your spit-up-stained second-day-wearing-this-shirt-in-a-row-and-I-haven't-showered self, trying to keep your sanity while you prepare dinner with a screaming baby and sinkful of unwashed dishes. It might be hard to fathom what you have to offer. But you, mama, are working hard. You are in the trenches and it can be hard to see what eternal impact you are making on anybody right. You might even fear you are making a negative impact because you just lost your temper with your toddler...again. But you are a mama I would love to spend time with! I know you have something I could learn from you because we all have something to teach and something to give. So, if you're feeling insecure or frustrated that your life doesn't look like "her" life, take a breath. It's okay. You know, if you can step out of your umbrella of insecure jealousy, you might learn something...and you might make a lifelong friend. :)

This week I am linking up with Simple Moments Stick and West Coast Mama!