A Tired Mama's Search for Rest

I sit, eyes bleary and heart heavy as I nurse my sweet little boy. For a moment it is quiet, and my body and heart both need that moment desperately. It is only noon and it has already been a long day. I long for the sound of my husband's truck ready to rescue me, but we are not even close to that time. I ponder upon God's words written in Matthew, "Come to me, all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." Ah, rest. Even in the midst of days filled with crying and whining and an apparently infinite pile of needs that never quite seem to stop...I can have a heart that finds rest. The word is like honey on my tongue in those moments that the demands of motherhood feel most overwhelming.

God has given me high-maintenance babes who cry easily and often and need snuggles just about every second of their waking (and in my little guy's case, sleeping) hours.  I am quite sure this is all in answer to my own mother's prayers that I would have kids like me...payback! Through them I experience the beauty and burden of learning to love beyond myself and my own capabilities. There is no way by my own strength I could soothe an inconsolable baby for what seems like hours on end, while at the same time playing tea party with my toddler and giving her the love and attention she needs. And to do this with a joy-filled heart and words of gentleness and love while having far less sleep than this body prefers? Ha! No. Way.

But God, who purposely designed my beautiful, vibrant, high-intensity, deeply passionate children, knew that they would need more than I could give. And in my weakness He provides abundantly. It is an amazing thing, when I think about it, that every time I love on my babes it is not just my love they are receiving. They are getting a trickle of my love and an ocean of His. This brings peace to my troubled soul when I wonder how I can possibly have enough to meet all their needs. I don't. And that's okay. Because at the end of the day, God does. And He is more than capable.

Thank you God that when I have nothing left to give, I find you. On the darkest days and in the hardest moments may my heart find rest in you. 

You can find this, and other great posts linked up with Time Warp Wife, Mom's Morning Coffee, & We Are That Family this week!

Mama Lessons: Turning Jealousy into Joyfilled Learning

Mama's, I am so amazed by all you do! I mean, I have to tell you that I am often in awe of all the things you juggle, seemingly effortlessly. (For you non-mamas out there, I am often in awe of you as well, but today I am focusing on the mamas). I'm not trying to dog on myself, but sometimes I wonder if I didn't get the mama gene. I mean, I love playing with my babies and could love on them all day long...but nothing else seems to get done! And if it does, it is difficult to keep a cheerful attitude about it because it probably means I had to stay up til near midnight just to end up with a semi-clean kitchen and swept floor!

 Some mamas seem to have it all down, don't they? I watch them (not even on facebook but in real flesh-and-blood life) and think, "How does she get that all done and still have a smile!? How does she get that all done and still get to bed ever? How does she do all of this and still have time to (fill in the blank here...read, blog, paint her nails, exercise, have time with her husband, journal,  breathe, etc.) I don't know. I like to think she has a secret maid hiding in her garage...although that would be a bit creepy and I'm not sure we can be friends if you hide people in your garage.

ANYWAY, I don't know how these mamas appear to do it all effortlessly. What I do know is that all of us mamas are gifted in a variety of ways. What if, instead of being envious of other mamas or trying to find their weaknesses so we can feel better about ourselves, we knocked it all off and focused on what we can learn from each other and how we can grow together?

I have a friend who is one of those mamas I am constantly amazed by. She's a great mom to her kids, a loving wife to her man, and her house is beautifully maintained. What's more, she seems to find delight in all of these things and I almost never hear her complain about something she has to do. If I chose to, I could be envious of how it appears to all come so effortlessly to her. I could compare my kids or my spouse or my house or my whatever. But what would that do other than alienate me from this friend I love spending time with? Instead, I have chosen to see her strengths (which happen to be my weaknesses) as areas I can grow in, and her as the perfect person to help me do that! I have learned a lot about organization and planning and schedules from her. It has helped me become more efficient in my areas of weakness and not dread them so much. On the flip side, I can encourage her in the areas she feels weak in. I can give my perspective or what has worked for me in some area or other of life or parenting and she is better for it. It's a win-win! Not to mention I love just being around her and delight in her company and how sad to give that up because of my insecurity and pride!

Mamas, whether you believe it or not, you have something to offer. Right now you might only see your spit-up-stained second-day-wearing-this-shirt-in-a-row-and-I-haven't-showered self, trying to keep your sanity while you prepare dinner with a screaming baby and sinkful of unwashed dishes. It might be hard to fathom what you have to offer. But you, mama, are working hard. You are in the trenches and it can be hard to see what eternal impact you are making on anybody right. You might even fear you are making a negative impact because you just lost your temper with your toddler...again. But you are a mama I would love to spend time with! I know you have something I could learn from you because we all have something to teach and something to give. So, if you're feeling insecure or frustrated that your life doesn't look like "her" life, take a breath. It's okay. You know, if you can step out of your umbrella of insecure jealousy, you might learn something...and you might make a lifelong friend. :)

This week I am linking up with Simple Moments Stick and West Coast Mama!

Broken Into Beautiful: Mothering When You Have Nothing Left to Give

You are stronger than you think. You are more kind than you know. You are brave and you are good...even in those moments when it feels like you have nothing left to give. Hang on. There is One who holds the burden of raising your babies even more close to His heart than you. He will equip you with the strength you need for each day.

It may not feel like enough to you. You may not feel like you are giving your kids enough...but the One who breathes life into our lungs also multiplies loaves and fishes and He will take the feeble offerings you provide and multiply them into an overflowing love poured into the hearts and minds of your little ones.

So, on those days and in those moments when you are not sure how you can fathom the strength to take another step, tame another tantrum, make another sandwich, change another diaper, or smile another smile, remember that you are not alone. And when you feel so defeated that you don't even want to turn to Jesus for help because you are ashamed and angry, it's okay. Because He will turn to you. He will replace the burden you put on yourself with truth. Instead of carrying a bag of all the ways you don't measure up he will give you a pack of all the ways you are perfectly designed by Him to be the mother of your children. He didn't choose somebody else, He chose you. And He will equip you to love those kids in exactly the way they need to be loved.

In Him, you are strong. In Him, you are kind. In Him you are brave. In Him you are good. And in Him you can mother those children with strength, kindness, bravery, and goodness even on the hard days. So open your hands and let Him take the scraps you have...and you will see a miracle. He turned water into wine and made man from dust, let's let Him take our brokenness and make it into something beautiful.

"I'm Pretty Sure I Forgot to Brush My Teeth This Morning" and Other Mom Confessions

I am pretty sure I forgot to brush my teeth this morning. They felt grimy a few times throughout the day but I didn't really think anything of it until I went to brush my teeth tonight and realized...oops. So apologies to anyone who had to be within a breath of me today, and a special apology to my husband who was apparently gifted halitosis kisses by me. Your welcome honey.

After I realized my faux pas, I began to wonder if I would have made this slip up pre-children. Don't get me wrong, I have had my share of dingbat moments throughout my life...some may even say I am a tad absent-minded at times. But something seems to happen when you have kids (tell me it's not just me?!) that permanently sidelines your brain. I think when you decide to have kids you should get a warning label:

 Sometimes I wonder how my non-parent friends now see me. I have to confess that before I became a mom I had all kinds of "opinions" on mothering and how it should and shouldn't be done. Am I the only one who changed my tune once taking care of little ones 24-7 became my reality? I eased up a bit on my stringent idealism and realized two things. One: being a mom can be a blast if I give myself some grace and learn to go with the flow and laugh at my mistakes and failed plans. Two: being a mom really does take up a ton of mental energy and physical stamina. It isn't as easy as it looks!

So there may be times I let my toddler watch too much television or don't feed her enough vegetables. I might overuse a pacifier with my baby boy because I just want him to go to sleep. Some nights I might go to bed with toys still strewn all over the family room and dishes still overflowing the kitchen sink. I have gotten snappy with my husband and huffy with my kids. There are days I count down the minutes until bedtime and I know I don't cherish the everyday moments as much as someday I'll wish I did. On occasion, I may even forget to do basic things like brush my teeth or remove the seven stickers I have plastered on my shirt and face before answering the door. I'm not a perfect mom, wife, or homemaker. But I love my family fiercely and, in the end, I think that matters more than the perfection I often seek. So, mamas, here's to learning to live in the grace and beauty of the journey as we seek to be the best mamas we can to our littles. And here's to letting Jesus make up the gap where we fall short.