Surviving Sleep Deprivation (AKA "Just 5 More Minutes...PLEASE!?")

 

Some days I really just want to pull the covers back over my head. What does "sleeping through the night" feel like...I don't even know!? I can't even remember! It feels like I haven't slept solidly ever...and I won't sleep ever again. Well there's a daunting thought for you. But, as all moms know, this is what we sign up for when we have our babies. With all of the joys of watching our little ones grow and learn also comes a level of sacrifice (oh yes, I value my sleep that much) that I couldn't have comprehended pre-mamahood.

Of course, it's not just about sleep (though oh how I yearn for several hours of blissful uninterrupted sleep at this moment...I think I might be drooling just thinking about it). It is about seeing ourselves and our purpose in life as greater than just us. Sure, we caught glimpses of it before we became mamas. Maybe we sacrificed our time or money for others. Or maybe we sacrificed our way of doing things and learned how to compromise; but it wasn't as deep and all-encompassing as when we become the caretakers, protectors, and the teachers of little bitty ones.

I couldn't have understood how primal and raw my emotions had the ability to be until baby girl was born. Something breaks open inside of us when we become mamas that has the ability to be fierce and protective, as well as gentle and compassionate all at the same time. I would fight off a bear for my little one...and I would stay up all night just to watch her sleep. There is nothing that I wouldn't give up for her, no sacrifice too big to make. And there is a fierceness in my love that resonates in my soul and seems to say, "There is no mountain I wouldn't climb for you. There is no river I wouldn't cross for you. There is no height I wouldn't ascend for you. There is no depth I wouldn't plumb for you. You. Are. Mine. And my love for you is endless. No. Matter. What."

And I can't help but know deep within me that this love is God's love. It is what He has for each one of us. The intensity I feel when I think of the depths of love I have for baby girl are exactly what He feels when He thinks of me. I have never understood His love like this. It is a new concept for me. When the Bible says His love surpasses knowledge, it means it surpasses knowledge. You can't know a love like that, you have to experience it. It is greater than what can logically be comprehended. And it's supposed to be. Just as baby girl will never completely comprehend the fullness of my love, because it will keep pouring out and showing itself differently in each new experience; in the same way, I will never fully grasp God's love.

There will come a day when I will sleep all night long. It just might be twenty-something years away. When the kids are grown. And off to college. Except then I will probably be up worrying about what they are doing at two in the morning and if they are safe in their dorm room. So maybe, now that I am a mom, I won't ever sleep again. Except I know that in truth I will sleep again (it just may not be for as long as I would like). But we have a God who never sleeps or slumbers. He would fight off a bear and stays up to all night to watch us sleep. And on those days when we are up taking care of our babies while the rest of the world snores away blissfully, he sits with us and says, "Now do you see
my love a little more clearly?"

{I am linking up with Rachel Wojnaroski for Whimsical Wednesdays. You can get to her blog by clicking here!}