Sunday, July 26, 2015

Just Him

You know those moments where you catch a glimpse of eternity? You get a slight view of the big picture and wonder how you could ever be so small-minded as you typically are. Is this just me? I live for these moments...they are unexpected reminders of how unnecessary the vast majority of my worries are. I mean like, seriously, why do I care if my hair looks like a hot mess right before I head out the door and it just will not be tamed? If I look like a crazed professor who REALLY NEEDS A CUP OF COFFEE, what's it going to hurt? I may get a few side-long glances or a look of pity from somebody who thinks I should probably avoid having any more kids...but hey, I just gave them fodder for their people-watching convo I guess. Your welcome. ;)

I want to be the kind of woman who is confident in who I am (and not the world's view of who I am btw, but the real who I am--daughter of God, called to be a blessing to those around her (even when she doesn't have it all together...whatever that even means). Anyway, all this to say, I had a moment this morning. An "aha" moment if you will. Sitting in the back row of church getting ready to run (okay, walk) up front and take Communion...trying to get my head in the game and focused on God and the Bread of Life and all that (and failing miserably), I almost just didn't go up. I was so distracted by worries and wonderings bouncing around in my brain like a hundred bouncy balls, I just couldn't be present in the moment for Communion. I didn't want to be flippant about it so I almost up and left. I'm not sure why I didn't, really, but next thing you know I'm headed up front with a friend of mine. I grab a hunk of bread representing the Body of Christ (and wonder if I grabbed too big of a piece). I dunk it in the juice representing the Blood of Christ (and wonder if I spilled some). I take my dripping bread symbolizing Jesus' ultimate sacrifice back to my seat and I'm sure a lightning bolt is headed my way because I just cannot get out of my own head and into this moment and I'm frustrated. I close my eyes, so frustrated with myself, and for a single second the clouds part and it is just Jesus. It is just Him and me without any pretense. And it's almost as if He stretches His arms out and says, This is it, my love. All that stuff clouding your mind is going to float away...but I am here to stay. Breathe, child. Keep me in your focus-lens and all the worries will pale. I am here. Focus on me.

A million times I have needed to be reminded that I cannot shake God off--He is not a coat to be shed when I'm warm or a fickle junior high romance that will fizzle quicker than an off-brand soda. He will never up and go...even if everybody else in my life decided to do so. At the end of the race when I cross the finish line it is Him who will be waiting with open arms to swing me round. I don't have to impress anybody else. I don't have to get it all right. I don't have to get worked up about all of the trivialities that make me tight-chested and high-strung. He is there whether I focus on him or not. He is there whether I get it right or terribly wrong. He is there whether I am having a bad hair day or a mad-at-the-world day, or a life-is-good day. I don't have to strive for his benefit. And even if my OCD self wants to make sure Communion is perfect and my heart is totally right...He's there to remind me that even when it's not, He is still there.

So perhaps this reminder is just for me, or maybe it is meant for you too. We are ambassadors for this great God--even when we are a hot mess with all of our flaws and imperfections sticking out. Truly, I believe, it is in our authenticity that we best represent our King. So let's throw off everything that hinders and live lives that bubble with authentic love and maybe a little bit of crazy. At the end of the day, may our lives be lived for Him.

Have a beautiful day!

Friday, July 3, 2015

Simple Thoughts on Profound Love

As I write, my sweet boy is coughing in the other room. He has a cold and has been restless and cranky. My heart breaks for him, even though I know it's just a stupid cold and we'll be through it fast enough. I admit though, that the selfishness inside of me is not only concerned about his well-being but my own. With only fits and spurts of sleep last night I was desperate for naptime today...and after only 40 short minutes Little Man was awake and crying. I couldn't take it, you know? I was exhausted and emotional and just needed a break and a nap. But there he was, crying once again. I ran out the the garage to put something away before going to get him and took a minute to take a deep breath and remind myself that we would get through this day with God's help, and when I came back inside he had settled down for a few more minutes of rest for him, and rest for me. It wasn't until that moment that I realized I really needed to spend some time soaking up God's truth. Isn't it funny--or rather, ironic--how it is oftentimes not until the last possible minute that we realize what we really need? We try this or that or get caught up in whatever and then realize that what we really needed was there all along.

So with a few extra God-given minutes, I decided to hop onto She Reads Truth and check out the study they are going through. Day 1 floored me...words I desperately needed from God today, and maybe you do too. They are from Isaiah and they are life-giving. "'For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken,' says the LORD, who has mercy on you." (Isaiah 54:10) When all else seems to be rocking and you feel like you are going to lose your ever-loving remains. I'm not sure why that gets me so choked up today--maybe it's lack of sleep or maybe it's because I know I haven't earned a love like that today or maybe it's because it is raw, beautiful truth. Whatever it is, I am so grateful we have a God who loves like that. And now, I have a sick little one to cuddle. May I pour onto him the love God has poured into me.