Sunday, July 26, 2015

Just Him

You know those moments where you catch a glimpse of eternity? You get a slight view of the big picture and wonder how you could ever be so small-minded as you typically are. Is this just me? I live for these moments...they are unexpected reminders of how unnecessary the vast majority of my worries are. I mean like, seriously, why do I care if my hair looks like a hot mess right before I head out the door and it just will not be tamed? If I look like a crazed professor who REALLY NEEDS A CUP OF COFFEE, what's it going to hurt? I may get a few side-long glances or a look of pity from somebody who thinks I should probably avoid having any more kids...but hey, I just gave them fodder for their people-watching convo I guess. Your welcome. ;)

I want to be the kind of woman who is confident in who I am (and not the world's view of who I am btw, but the real who I am--daughter of God, called to be a blessing to those around her (even when she doesn't have it all together...whatever that even means). Anyway, all this to say, I had a moment this morning. An "aha" moment if you will. Sitting in the back row of church getting ready to run (okay, walk) up front and take Communion...trying to get my head in the game and focused on God and the Bread of Life and all that (and failing miserably), I almost just didn't go up. I was so distracted by worries and wonderings bouncing around in my brain like a hundred bouncy balls, I just couldn't be present in the moment for Communion. I didn't want to be flippant about it so I almost up and left. I'm not sure why I didn't, really, but next thing you know I'm headed up front with a friend of mine. I grab a hunk of bread representing the Body of Christ (and wonder if I grabbed too big of a piece). I dunk it in the juice representing the Blood of Christ (and wonder if I spilled some). I take my dripping bread symbolizing Jesus' ultimate sacrifice back to my seat and I'm sure a lightning bolt is headed my way because I just cannot get out of my own head and into this moment and I'm frustrated. I close my eyes, so frustrated with myself, and for a single second the clouds part and it is just Jesus. It is just Him and me without any pretense. And it's almost as if He stretches His arms out and says, This is it, my love. All that stuff clouding your mind is going to float away...but I am here to stay. Breathe, child. Keep me in your focus-lens and all the worries will pale. I am here. Focus on me.

A million times I have needed to be reminded that I cannot shake God off--He is not a coat to be shed when I'm warm or a fickle junior high romance that will fizzle quicker than an off-brand soda. He will never up and go...even if everybody else in my life decided to do so. At the end of the race when I cross the finish line it is Him who will be waiting with open arms to swing me round. I don't have to impress anybody else. I don't have to get it all right. I don't have to get worked up about all of the trivialities that make me tight-chested and high-strung. He is there whether I focus on him or not. He is there whether I get it right or terribly wrong. He is there whether I am having a bad hair day or a mad-at-the-world day, or a life-is-good day. I don't have to strive for his benefit. And even if my OCD self wants to make sure Communion is perfect and my heart is totally right...He's there to remind me that even when it's not, He is still there.

So perhaps this reminder is just for me, or maybe it is meant for you too. We are ambassadors for this great God--even when we are a hot mess with all of our flaws and imperfections sticking out. Truly, I believe, it is in our authenticity that we best represent our King. So let's throw off everything that hinders and live lives that bubble with authentic love and maybe a little bit of crazy. At the end of the day, may our lives be lived for Him.

Have a beautiful day!

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