Consider It All Joy: Surviving the Baby Blues

 Life is kind of like one of those heartbeat monitor things. It has ups...and it has downs. The ups and downs represent the heartbeat of a life being lived. We have moments and we have days that are as near perfect as we can get this side of heaven. I guess those would be our ups. Then again, we have moments and days and sometimes even longer expanses of time where all we can do is put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Those would be the downs. And as difficult and lonely as those downs sometimes feel, we need to remember that there will be an up again.

When I first came home after experiencing the joys and pains (oh my, the pains!) of having my baby girl, I expected to be elated. I expected that I would be overjoyed at this new life sleeping in my arms. I didn't expect the combination of labor recovery, lack of sleep, and so many new things to learn to overshadow the gift and miracle that I now got to touch and see and hear. But it did. It was a downward spike on my heart monitor. I was panicked that I would never feel like myself again. I was ashamed. How could I not be overcome with joy at the beautiful baby God had blessed me with? Feelings of incompetence and unworthiness overwhelmed me. I was locked in fear that, because of my sadness and perceived lack of gratefulness, God would take this baby away from me.

I lived in fear and shame and overwhelming sadness in a time that (I thought) should be filled with joy and laughter and energy. I was surrounded by people and yet felt so alone. I didn't know how to love my baby well, and felt like I would never know how to be a good mama. And then, slowly, the heart monitor began to go up again. I grew more confident in my feeding and diapering skills, and I learned how to comfort a crying baby. I still had days when both my little one and I spent the majority of our time crying together...but they grew less frequent. I began to open up again, and see joy in this little miracle.

Looking back, that time was a haze. In retrospect it makes sense that I would feel overwhelmed and frightened at the vastness of the greatest responsibility of my life. It makes sense that due to my hormones having a wild party and my body not getting the sleep it needed, I would be out of sorts. But at the time I felt like I was the only one. Have you ever felt that alone? Do you now? If so, you need to know that this is a season. You will find joy again. You are not a failure. And God understands exactly where you are and is loving you right there. Let yourself rest. And learn. Don't add the pressure of feeling like you have to be at an "up" right now...you will get there. And in my experience, you'll get there faster if you give yourself grace to be where you are at right now, and live in the grace God has given you for this moment.

Today I am linking up with Hope For the Weary Mom.

July Goal #1...accomplished to the best of my ability

Friday is here...but it feels like Saturday. Maybe because yesterday was the 4th of July and my hubby was home (sort of). He is an on-call firefighter in our community and much of his day was spent helping with fireworks and such. My community hero! Anyway, I have to warn you that because it feels like Saturday I am feeling a little bit lazy. (It didn't help that Baby Girl decided 6:30am was the PERFECT time to start the day, which is a whole hour-and-a-half earlier than normal!) So after hemming and hawing as to whether I would actually write a post today, I decided that I would give a short-but-sweet recap of one of my July goals!

If you will recall from my Summer Goals, one of them was to celebrate the 4th with "a barbeque, a fun dessert, and a celebratory spirit." Due to my somewhat obsessive nature, I am chagrined to say that I was not able to fully accomplish said goals. I did go to a barbeque with my family...but a thunderstorm (along with wind strong enough to blow you right over) decided to descend right as we were settling into barbeque mode. I ate most of a hot dog but that was about it. In retrospect, it was quite a comical sight. Chairs were flying through the air, children were crying, and moms & dads were running pell-mell trying to gather up all food, kids, and belongings before they flew away. In the moment, I did must admit I not retain my celebratory spirit...but I did refrain from taking the stress of the moment out on my husband. I'm going to say that counts.

I did make some pretty fabulous coconut cupcakes! You can find the recipe here. They were in the July issue of Better Homes and Gardens. Apparently they are a family tradition of Tricia Yearwood and they are DELICIOUS! So I accomplished my "fun dessert" goal...except that due to Freak Storm they did not get shared with anybody. Consequently, I ate way too many yesterday and decided it would probably be best to freeze the rest before I did permanent damage to my waistline.

So there you have it. My (semi) accomplished July Goal #1. One down, two to go! Happy Friday and have a fantastic weekend!

Surviving Sleep Deprivation (AKA "Just 5 More Minutes...PLEASE!?")

 

Some days I really just want to pull the covers back over my head. What does "sleeping through the night" feel like...I don't even know!? I can't even remember! It feels like I haven't slept solidly ever...and I won't sleep ever again. Well there's a daunting thought for you. But, as all moms know, this is what we sign up for when we have our babies. With all of the joys of watching our little ones grow and learn also comes a level of sacrifice (oh yes, I value my sleep that much) that I couldn't have comprehended pre-mamahood.

Of course, it's not just about sleep (though oh how I yearn for several hours of blissful uninterrupted sleep at this moment...I think I might be drooling just thinking about it). It is about seeing ourselves and our purpose in life as greater than just us. Sure, we caught glimpses of it before we became mamas. Maybe we sacrificed our time or money for others. Or maybe we sacrificed our way of doing things and learned how to compromise; but it wasn't as deep and all-encompassing as when we become the caretakers, protectors, and the teachers of little bitty ones.

I couldn't have understood how primal and raw my emotions had the ability to be until baby girl was born. Something breaks open inside of us when we become mamas that has the ability to be fierce and protective, as well as gentle and compassionate all at the same time. I would fight off a bear for my little one...and I would stay up all night just to watch her sleep. There is nothing that I wouldn't give up for her, no sacrifice too big to make. And there is a fierceness in my love that resonates in my soul and seems to say, "There is no mountain I wouldn't climb for you. There is no river I wouldn't cross for you. There is no height I wouldn't ascend for you. There is no depth I wouldn't plumb for you. You. Are. Mine. And my love for you is endless. No. Matter. What."

And I can't help but know deep within me that this love is God's love. It is what He has for each one of us. The intensity I feel when I think of the depths of love I have for baby girl are exactly what He feels when He thinks of me. I have never understood His love like this. It is a new concept for me. When the Bible says His love surpasses knowledge, it means it surpasses knowledge. You can't know a love like that, you have to experience it. It is greater than what can logically be comprehended. And it's supposed to be. Just as baby girl will never completely comprehend the fullness of my love, because it will keep pouring out and showing itself differently in each new experience; in the same way, I will never fully grasp God's love.

There will come a day when I will sleep all night long. It just might be twenty-something years away. When the kids are grown. And off to college. Except then I will probably be up worrying about what they are doing at two in the morning and if they are safe in their dorm room. So maybe, now that I am a mom, I won't ever sleep again. Except I know that in truth I will sleep again (it just may not be for as long as I would like). But we have a God who never sleeps or slumbers. He would fight off a bear and stays up to all night to watch us sleep. And on those days when we are up taking care of our babies while the rest of the world snores away blissfully, he sits with us and says, "Now do you see
my love a little more clearly?"

{I am linking up with Rachel Wojnaroski for Whimsical Wednesdays. You can get to her blog by clicking here!}

10 Quick & (Mostly) Easy Ways to Love Your Spouse Today...

Smile. Not only can it boost your mood and immune system (and, rumor has it, also make your butt tingle) but smiles are contagious, relieve stress, and are considered more attractive than make-up by almost 70% of men! Make a conscious effort to smile at your mate today.


Hug. Kids love getting them. Pets love getting them. Rest assured your spouse probably does too. A quick and easy way to say "I love you." Don't let the day go by without hugging your spouse!


 Say something nice. It can be anything from, "You look beautiful today" (one of my personal favorites) to "Honey, you give such great advice sometimes" (my man melts at that) to "I just really like being around you". The options are endless...why do we often struggle to shower our spouse with verbal affirmation? We don't always know how stressful their days are, but I bet they can always use our kind words! (Included in this list is remembering to thank them...I often take for granted the ways my husband serves our family by working so hard. My appreciation of him needs to be spoken!)

Laugh. Laughter really is the best medicine. Has your spouse heard you laugh lately? Not only does it make them feel like you actually want to be around them, but it also releases tension and increases bonding. So whether you're laughing because you are enjoying time with your spouse, or your laughing to try and work through something with your spouse, remember that you are on the same team. And take time to laugh.


 Don't say the something that doesn't need to be said. The day was long and your spouse didn't follow through with that commitment...again. You want to snap, but take a breath, empathize with what they may be going through, and say something encouraging instead. Later, when you are less heated and tired, you can address the issue. But for now, bite your tongue and use your words to be kind instead.


 Give focused attention. You're busy. It can be difficult to take time to just sit. But five minutes of one-on-one attention with eye-contact and no multitasking might be just the connection you and your spouse need to fill the love tank. There are a lot of things that can wait...take the five minutes to really focus on the one you committed to "for better or worse".


Let them know they are on your mind. There are so many ways to do this in the age of modern technology. A quick text message or short email can go a long way in making your mate feel special. Feeling feisty? A flirty or sexy note can ensure they will be thinking about you all day long. 

 
Plant one on em'. It takes more work to french kiss (using 34 face muscles as opposed to just 2 for a quick peck) and burns more calories (6.4 a minute which comes out to 384 calories an hour). It is also statistically shown that kissing your spouse for at least a six-second interval helps many people feel closer to their mate all day! 

Do Something Nice. Sometimes I feel like I am serving, serving, serving my family. But that attitude gets me nowhere and I mean no where. If I focus on myself I can end up grumpy, self-righteous, and fully lacking the desire to serve anybody in my family, especially my fully-capable husband. But when I look for ways to serve my spouse it becomes a game I play. How can I serve my husband in this particular instance? Not only does he feel loved, but I end up in a much better mood. Do something nice for your spouse today, just because.


Thank God for them. Whether you feel like you might just pull all of your hair out (or smother them with a pillow while they sleep) or you are riding the gentle waves of marriage, cultivating a thankful heart is one of the most important ways to keep your marriage strong and healthy. They may have done 101 things to irritate you today and you are certainly not in a thankful mood! But take a minute (you don't have to tell them you are doing this) and think of a few things about them you are thankful for. Do they love your kids well? Are they a faithful provider? Take a minute and thank God for them and their value to you and your family. And don't be surprised if you find yourself a little bit softer towards them afterwards.

Today I am linking up with Better Mom Mondays! To get to her blog click here!