12 Months of Loving...Month 1: Out with the Old

In taking a journey to learn how to love my husband better this year, I was thinking about the best way to begin. Research shows that if you try to make too many changes at once you are setting yourself up for failure, so many motivators and life coaches say it is best to try to change only one or two aspects of your life at a time. This month, I have chosen to focus on letting go of the old.

I can be a bit of a collector. Books, letters, cozy blankets, and flaws I see in my spouse are some of the things I collect. (Guess which one I need to toss out?) It does me no good to focus on the flaws of yesterday! It sets me up for failure and clutters the closet of my heart with worthless junk--leaving no room for the beautiful things God wants to bring into my heart through my marriage. I am sure I'm not the only woman out there who too often holds onto hurtful things from the past instead of dealing with them and letting them go. (Obviously some things, like major betrayal of trust, need to be dealt with and it may take a significant amount of time and even some counseling.) But most things us woman hold onto are so insignificant in the long run!

So this year, I am starting fresh. Throughout January (and the rest of the year) I am going to make a point to deal with issues as they come and then learn to quickly wave them out the door of my home. Why hold onto them for later use (as I too often do)? I want to see my husband as God sees him. That means I need to let go of my own preconceived ideas of who he is (and how he's not living up to my lofty expectations). I am married to a good man! I know he's a good man. Yet in my anxious moments I remember that time three years ago that he said this-or-that or the time last June when he forgot to do that thing I asked or even the argument we had last week when he was obviously the one in the wrong... and I put in on him in his todays. I see him through a lens of his failures instead of his successes. What if he did that to me? What if he held onto every time I had failed or said the wrong thing or done the selfish thing? I would feel so defeated. It would crush me. So why do I think there is any benefit in me doing it to him? Ouch.

Let's stop holding onto the old, moldy things. If you have any dirty, smelly rags you are holding onto in regards to your man or your marriage, do yourself a favor. Throw them out! God is waiting to do a new thing in your heart, and in your marriage. If you are ready to partner with Him in this endeavor, let go of the negative preconceptions you have about your husband. Trust that, if you're married to a good man, he intends good toward you. And even though he's a sinner and you're a sinner and there will be times that good is not done (in either direction) his heart is for you. Help keep his heart (and yours) soft by choosing to start fresh this year.