Delighting In Your Todays

Heart heavy, eyes bleary, I stumbled out of bed this morning not at all ready to take on the day. Baby Girl struggled to sleep all night. Her new teeth slowly making their grand entrance made it difficult for her to get comfortable, in turn making her need much mama comfort throughout the night. It is easy, in these moments, to wish for the next stage. It is easy to fool ourselves into thinking we will be any more ready for that stage when it comes.

Never before have I been so constantly tested and bombarded with things to learn, ways to adapt,

decisions to make...it is the hardest job I have ever had, being a mama. And yet, in the same breath, I can say that it is the most awe-inspiring job I have ever had. To watch this knitted-together-by-the-Creator-of-the-Universe baby grow and learn is almost incomprehensible. One minute she is learning how to nurse for the first time, and the next, it seems, she is learning how to crawl. In my weariness it can be easy to miss all of the in-between.

I want to soak in each moment. The moments where she smiles over a new delightful discovery...and the moments when she is crying so hard she gives herself the hiccups and by the end of the ordeal we are both hiccuping and crying profusely. These moments are what make up her childhood. They are the things that, Lord-willing, we will someday sit and laugh over while we share a dessert together. They are the memories that I hope to remind her of when she is a mother of her own.

As I often say, and even more often need to remind myself, I don't want to miss this. Not a moment. It is real life, in the beauty and the shadows. When Baby Girl is throwing her first temper-tantrum (and I am melting into a puddle of mortification, as it is most assuredly going to be in the most crowded, least opportune situation it can possibly be) I want to be there. (Side note: If you tell me in the moment that I said this, I might say something inappropriate to you, so it's probably best if you wait until said temper-tantrum is done and over. Maybe then I will be able to laugh.) The first time she has a crush on a boy, with all my mama anxiety and "what if's", I want to be there. Her first big failure--the one that leaves me wondering what I have done wrong as a parent and what I could have done to prevent it--I want to be there. When she gives her heart to Jesus, of her own volition, and falls head-over-heels in love with Him, I want to be there. 

So maybe I will move a little slower today, and maybe my emotions will be on high alert due to little sleep and a fussy baby. But there is still nowhere else I would rather be. You could offer me a beachfront condo with my own personal masseuse and while I might flinch as I turn you down, I would still choose being a mama. And not a mama who wishes away each moment of her child's life...though I am as guilty as anybody of doing this on occasion. A mama who delights in this moment of this day. A mama who finds joy even when happiness is elusive. A mama who is content in the blessings that God has given for right now, and finds thankfulness for what is right in front of her face.

Today I am linking up with Whimsical Wednesdays and Wedded Wednesdays.